that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
