im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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