We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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