i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
