im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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