i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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