I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
