she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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