Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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