hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
