What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
