Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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