i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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