The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
