But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
