Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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