he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
