No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
