Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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