i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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