my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
