I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
