I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
