about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
