so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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