And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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