I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
