She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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