i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My ATM looks so different sober.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
