i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He did a backflip because drugs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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