We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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