How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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