We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
