i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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