Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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