I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
