but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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