i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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