The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
