I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
