So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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