I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
