Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
