she smelled like a LAN party
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
