No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
