I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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