My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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