There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
