how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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