Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh god it's open bar.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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