Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
