Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
