Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
