Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Me too!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
