drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
