Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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