I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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