Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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