I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
