i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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