last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
