I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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